When I first married I would pray often for my husband and for situations we were facing. I prayed for the arguments that was happening repeatedly and for the things I just simply did not like.
For the moment, prayer would give me hope, satisfaction, and relief. I would stand up from my knees, wipe my tears, and feel confident that I did exactly what I was called to do as a wife.
But with negative thinking, I would say, “Unlike my husband I took the situation to prayer.”
I made the choice to take his temper to Christ. To take his financial habits to Christ and to take his walls that was causing lack of intimacy to Christ.
I did what I was called to do as a wife that held a spiritual position in the home. I chased God with what I thought was ‘righteousness’.
As time went on I would stand once more from my praying knees but this time I would doubt there was ever going to be change. I was so sure I was doing everything that I was supposed to do. I was leaving all of this at the feet of Jesus. Why were the same situations still arising?
As I picked up a book one day “The Power of a Praying Wife”; the first chapter was about praying for yourself as a wife. At first glance, I liked the title of the chapter. I thought “Great, I need a chapter of prayer for myself because at this point I need a immense amount of strength. Praying for my husband and all these walls he has is getting exhausting”.
Wrong!
It is the longest chapter in the book and it all came down to changing me!
I wish I could say I read it and changed immediately from that day forward but I didn’t.
The battle of change was hard. I battled with confessing my faults, my negativity in marriage, and I battled with the same stubbornness that I would blame my husband of having.
However, I did receive the seeds that was planted the day I read the book for the first time. It sparked more questions in me than just why are the situations not changing? I began asking myself, “What if I do start praying for myself to change? How much change will there truly be?” That question intrigued me.
At this point, all I knew was that I wanted some sort of change and even if it meant it had to be me then it would be worth the try.
I am and will always be a wife that is constantly learning and growing into what the Lord is calling me to be as a spouse, but as I continue to pray for myself, the dreaded growing pains are less frequent. I have found that kneeling down to the Lord with a humble heart is about becoming selfless.
The requests are now not so much of God, hurry and change this, it consist more of: God enrich him, build him up mightily, give him vision and passion to chase after you even more.
Instead of getting caught up of all the things I wish God could change, I much rather pray for the things that will bless my husband.
My prayers now for my husband are ones that is calling out to God as a wife.
Here are 5 Things I pray for myself to become a better wife:
To have my spiritual eyes and ears open to hear the needs and desires of my husband.
This one is something that I am still learning and trying to grasp. I have a deep desire for this. I pray often to develop a gift of constantly be willing to have my spiritual eyes and ears sensitive to my husbands needs and desires.
When my husband is stressed from work with heavy loads of projects, I don’t want to just think he’s being cranky and I should stay clear from him. I want to be able to look deeper than the surface. I hope to use spiritual discernment in this area.
Sometimes it is best to leave our spouse alone as they deal with situations. Just be sure to still be ONE with your spouse and give them what they need. Grace and open arms.
When discernment suddenly tells me that my husband needs me to just go up and hug him, I do it. I hug him and tell him how good of a man he is. This usually makes him smile or laugh and say “What do you want?” He knows I don’t want anything but just to make him smile and give him a sense of relief.
Those are the moments I feel victorious as a wife. I am not running from the surface look of things, I am seeking God first of what to do that can help my husband.
To have confidence in myself first, not man.
When my husband and I first married I depended on my husbands affirmation! I wanted him to constantly notice my new outfit, a new way I tried doing my hair, or even just notice my presence whenever I walked into a room. I wanted his compliments on every meal I made and every time I folded his clean laundry. This is unrealistic!
It’s not unreasonable to request affirmation in your marriage, it’s just unreasonable to request it with every action you take. Our spouses are not here just to build our self esteems.
They hope to enjoy our joy and confidence in who we are just as much as we would like to do that with them. This was something I would request for the Lord to change often about my husband but it did not start changing till I prayed for God to change me.
I had to find confidence in me as a child of God which that is whom I am foremost. I can not claim this and then depend on man to achieve it for me. I had to learn to pray the verse:
“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to
completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Philippians 1:6
over myself so that I would be fully confident that it is God who brings completion to me, not man. I was putting an impossible task on my husband.
To be a woman of grace and wisdom.
When I think of a woman of grace and wisdom, I think of the Titus woman.
Titus 2:3-5 describes a woman that I think of having elegant beauty. I imagine that it shined straight through her with a graceful beauty.
From Titus 2 I learn as a young woman I am to gain insight from the elder women of how to love my husband and children in a godly manner. Elder women can teach us how to be a homemaker, sensible, pure, and kind. This takes grace and humility to receive as a young woman.
As I become a older with many years to offer as an example to the younger generation it will take wisdom to teach. I prayerfully hope I am able to receive and give with grace and wisdom for I am not just affecting myself but other woman of the generations coming. As I do this, my husband reaps the benefits of me living out the scriptures.
To win with action not words.
One of my biggest flaws in general before getting saved (and a little bit now) was that I could talk too much. What I mean by too much is that I would try to explain myself over and over about decisions made or things that I wanted to do.
I believe I had a habit of this because of fears of what others would think of me – I desperately wanted to relay my intentions were always good intentions behind my actions. I automatically believed no one thought I had good intentions. But by doing this I would relay frustration towards my husband instead of the situation, or guilt onto my husband instead of conviction that was in me.
I had to learn (and still is) that my actions is what speaks louder than my words. Trying to convince my husband or children to understand my intentions is not what I was supposed to do. I needed to set an example of understanding by setting an example behind my decisions. I was to do this by being confident there is already trust and a positive communication set in place.
If I make a decision, follow through on it. If I want to change things then I should make it positive. I can do this by creating peace in the atmosphere instead of chaos or confusion.
To walk in my anointing.
I believe this is one the most important things we should be praying for ourselves as a wife.
When we are walking in our anointing it means we must be walking in the Spirit; and as we all know, walking in the spirit means we are dwelling in peace, being led by God, chasing after righteousness.
Our husbands and children will become witnesses to who God is in our lives and reap the abundance when we walk in our anointing. For me, walking in my anointing is prayer. When I’m in the Spirit praying consistently for the body of Christ (which is anything the Lord has placed in my heart) then I am in the presence of God.
There is no better place to be and your family, friends, and whomever you may encounter couldn’t agree more. The overflow of the anointing will grasps others with amazement of the peace they feel coming from you.
Your home will be a home of peace, your jobsite will have a shift in the atmosphere, your marriage will experience a change in communication and intimacy, because all things will be set on Christ when you allow yourself to walk in your anointing.
I would love to read about what you pray for yourself as a wife. What areas are you growing in as a wife because you took it to God first? I pray we can encourage each other and bless one another with wisdom and insight by sharing.
I ran across this blog this morning after several days/months of questioning my purpose, my beliefs even, as a women who has lived a life of faith. My husband and I have been married 27 years, and gave three adult children. We have been involved in three churches during our married life and served in many ways including marriage counseling. Recently, we have moved out of state far away from our whole family and all the friends we know. We now live closer to one son who works for a church and recently married. We are not attending church yet and feel so far from everyone doing ministry again. We’ve seen how being involved and knowing certain things about ministry has caused hurt and disappointment. My deepest desire is to continue to walk out my faith and be a good wife and mother, and grandmother one day. Also, to mentor others. My heart is grieved because of the negative that I’ve seen but it’s also grieved that we’ve lost the fellowship and the good that comes from connection with other couples and families. This blog has encouraged me. Life is full of good and bad experiences but along the way we can continue growing and teaching one another what we’ve learned. The sole purpose of edifying others to be better in their own lives and relationships can never be wrong. Starting with my husband and children, and whoever God brings into my life, this is purpose.
Romans 14:19
19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
Maria, I am looking at this date of when you left this comment and I cannot believe I have not seen this till now, but I am only assuming it is all by Gods timing because truth is, right now at this moment reading your message has ministered to me more than you know! I am so blessed this blog has encouraged you but comments like this at the moments I need to read them encourages me by measures. Thank you for sharing your heart and for the reminder of our purpose here together as Gods people. I pray you find your home church for the edification, but I also pray your testimony continues because even through the internet I can feel your anointing to edify the body of Christ.
I really enjoyed this post and though I’m not married yet I desire to be! I don’t have friends or a lot of examples of successful Godly marriages and this post really helped me to understand that it starts with God in me! I’ve been praying for God to give me a husband and I often wonder why at 33, what am I doing wrong and I see that I have to wait on God’s timing and work in me to prepare me for the man He has for me! Thank you for this post and may God continue to bless your union!!!
I love this so much Carmen! I have gone through the whole journey too of switching from ‘change him’ prayers to ‘change me’. And I have also felt the release in certain areas like you. God had me start to say “I’m blessed to have you” whenever my hubby would reach out to kiss my hand. I can’t tell you how that has changed something in him. When we are obedient, God just brings the sweet change in the dynamics, doesn’t He?
I would love prayer for me to be more spiritually discerning like you were saying. I don’t want to just see those times as surface, like you said, but to be able to ‘know’ him deeper. Thank you for such a beautiful post!
Powerful words, Carmen! I have been guilty of some of these things, too. I will be focusing in the future on praying for myself as well as my husband.
I prayed through this as I needed the encouragement and conviction to pray more and pray for my husband. I’m newly married (May of this year) and could really use a community of married couples and wife friends. My husband and I don’t have any. It’s been rewarding being married and tough and sometimes I don’t know what to do. Reading this and praying it did help a little. Thank you for writing this.
I do understand your need for community. My husband and I are both children of Pastors and it can be intimidating finding people to counsel us when needed without fearing they think different of us (which we no longer care about now and not afraid to reach out, our marriage is more important. 😉 and to find friends without it making them feel like it’s ministry. Community of married couples with the same faith as you is so important! It truly builds your marriage. But one thing to not overlook is the married elders in your church. They are the ones that will guide you and be such a great example to us as a marriage. Do not think about age. Just think about the influence. In due time, the Lord will bring in more friends close by to you. One day you will wake up and be so blessed you took heed to the examples to those older of you first. There is so much wisdom from elders we miss out on which in return truly teaches us how to be good friends to other married couples. Try asking one elder couple you and your husband like to dinner one day. One thing I would love to recommend to you as a newly wed wife is to get the book, The power of a praying wife. That book truly helped me so much the few two years of my marriage. Praying the Lord blesses you with great examples of marriage around you!
This is beautiful! I prayed through each one! Thank you for this vulnerability and sharing your experience and wisdom!
Thank you so much Amy!! xoxo
This has really blessed me, I appreciate you for sharing these words of encouragement, I never really realized how much most of us wives have in common in marriage going through a lot of the same issues, I thank God for you for sharing your deepest innermost thoughts and prayers bc they have certainly blessed, and helped me understand my role and duty as a first and foremost Godly woman and then as a loving wife. I’ve always prayed for my husband, but never really thought to pray for myself, now I realize praying for myself as well as my husband is truly a vital thing to do.
Thank you so much Kenisha! It is all a learning process but I am so blessed the Lord has given me many women of God in my life to learn this important role as a wife. It has transformed my marriage on many levels. Praying it does the same for you! =)
So good! Thank you so much for this! I’m using it to write prayers for my wife/marriage category in the prayer binder I’m putting together!
That is awesome! I am so glad the list made it to your prayer binder!! I am praying you receive much revelation with every prayer for your marriage.
Christian bloggers! You are blessing. Your post helped my in my quiet time with God, praying and journaling. God bless you.
That is awesome!! Praise God!! Thank you for commenting and encouraging me with your words!
I’ve just found your website. This post resonates for me so much. I am new to prayer. New to actually wanting to pray to lift rather than to change (myself and my husband). You have given me hope that I too will be saved. Thank you Jesus! Thank you, Carmen. I am signing up for your blog now. 🙂
India, you have blessed me today with your praise unto the Lord for bringing hope and salvation. Praying for you and your husband. May the Lord do a great work!
Great post Hannah. I loved “The Power of a Praying Wife.” It was life changing for me and for my marriage.
Sorry– I meant to say great post Carmen! I was reading Hannah’s comment just before… 😉
Its ok Kelly! Thank you for visiting and commenting! Many blessings to you!
Aaahh I think you wrote this for me!
Love that you think so! = )