Becoming a Divorced Christian Woman was one of the hardest things I had to bear through in my life. On top of everything else, I was becoming a Divorced Christian Mother of two young children.
I felt like a failure. Like I was a defeated vessel that was overused and exhausted. I feared disgrace was soon to be shown upon my face.
When I think back to the night that took place seven years ago; I remember finishing my ex-husbands answers as he admitted for the first time of an ongoing affair. As he confessed, I finished the words “She’s pregnant”. The sound of rain pounding on the windows made his crying sound muffled. But still without having to fully hear him I was able to finish his words, “It’s a girl.”
My stomach drenched with sorrow as I said the words “It’s a girl”. We were trying for another child thinking it could be something to fill a void we were both feeling. We shared the same hopes for a baby girl.
With his eyes wide opened, he uttered the words, “How did you know?” The rest of me could not speak anymore. But my mind raced rapidly as I remembered the dream I just had weeks before. The vision of me writing the dream in my prayer journal became an eerie terror to me.
To what I thought was a pleasant dream of me birthing a little girl that was being cradled in my arms as I sang to her, then switched to becoming a fear in my life.
The smell of the rain as he opened the door to our home to walk out after we had just laid our children down for bed left a horrible memory in me for years. Feeling the drift cold air that came through my bedroom window that night as I saw his wedding band on our dresser made my skin crawl for months on.
But the memory of laying out on my bedroom floor crying to the Lord after he left that night is unforgettable.
I still remember the soaking of my tears in the carpet. I debated whether to call my mother, a friend, or anyone that would take my side and speak the words of hurt that I could not. But nothing in me could do anything but lay there and cry. “Lord, I receive Your presence and Your healing. Lord, help me to forgive.” Those words were constant from my mouth. So much so that I fell asleep repeating the words in my sleep.
When I woke the next morning, it all felt like I was waking up from a numbing nightmare. To make it worse I was visited with constant taunting thoughts of where it could have all gone wrong.
Although there was destruction in the marriage for years before the pain of adultery, divorce was not what I had vision as a Christian wife. And even though the marriage was unequally yoked between a saved and an unsaved spouse, the faith that I had of him becoming saved never ceased during the hardest of times.
Even when friends later expressed painful words to me that consisted of them expressing they were not surprised of the actions from a man that was still of the world, it did not dishonor the faith I once had as a Christian wife.
No, my marriage was not saved and yes, it took years to fully forgive all the situations that follows a divorce from an unsaved spouse but I will never say God was not in it.
God was it the moment I would pray for reconciliation and restoration. He was in it the moment I prayed for healing and forgiveness. God moved the moment I wept before Him and requested for protection from all the hurt that was to come. He was in it when I requested Him to remove all in my life that was not of His plan.
We are our own person who receives the calling of the Lord. Who makes the clear decision to take heed to the direction of the Lord.
When God called me the day I was saved, my ex husband was in the same home as me. As the doors opened for reconciliation and restoration I breathed in the words with hope but the words of denying the presence of God came from him. When I wept over the verse “Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning” from a book that was given to us about marriage, he was next to me.
I am no better because I listened to the calling at the time. It was just a time I came to a realization I needed to follow. I took 24 years to follow so I know it’s not that I was always following and listening. It was just a time I just decided to follow. Simple as that.
Did I want to cry and scream at him to just receive the presence of God, yes, absolutely. But I am not God. I was not his holy spirit. All I was, was his then-wife learning to become an example.
Seven years later I can still say I fought the hardest fight I ever fought with grace and humbleness. I walked away knowing I did what God told me to do during each situation for the following year that came with a trial of divorce with children.
As I developed my relationship with God by reading my bible daily, staying connected with my community, and learning to discipline my mind of torturous thoughts of shame and disgrace as a Christian Divorced Woman; I was able to open my eyes to see that He answered every prayer that I requested.
I now look at the godly husband that I prayed for years ago and see that God restored. It gives me joy to look at my children that once bared the unbearable is now healthy minded active children. I look at my relationship I have with the Lord with thankfulness because of everything I learned seven years ago.
Thank you for sharing. I feel for you because I was caught by surprised when my husband decided not to be married anymore. It hurts and I was shocked. I am a foreigner and I left my whole life and career behind to come to this country when I married him. Now after 10 years he wanted out and I felt betrayed. By God’s grace he give me strength and your testimony gives me strength too.
I am going through this now. Actually I’ve been going through it for nearly a year. My husband ask me for a divorce 2 days before our third child was born…I found out about the other women he had connected with (not necessarily all physically) in the days that followed. Sadly he “pretended” to want reconciliation and after 2 counselors and 11 months I discovered the “other woman” was still very much in the picture. I’m now in the midst of a messy, devastating divorce involving three small children. After 13 years with this man (9 married) this pain and loss is so hard. I miss my best friend. Who I thought he was. And all my dreams for the future of our family. I’m trying to find strength in God and his word, trying to grow from this but have deep fears for the future that I know contradict unconditional faith. I appreciate hearing from women like yourself who have not only survived but thrives on the other side of this tragedy.
My heart hurts reading this because I know too well those familiar feelings you are sharing. But I also know the hope and great outcome there is when we give it to God. It is hardest thing to do but I truly believe there will be a day we will look back and will see how much God really was there. I pray for strength for you today. I pray for comfort, restoration, and revival to you as a mother and as a woman of God. I pray God meets every need and desire in your heart. I also pray you continue to praise HIM in the storm, the dry valley, and through the trials. For our endurance is needed to get to the high calling and reward, which is to see the full glory of Christ. To my sister in Christ, He will do a great work.
I want to hug you so big. Gods got you and Hes got your children. I just read my initial post below when I was only 2 weeks into it. Even 2.5 months later, things are so much lighter. Lean into God. Lean into Psalms and His truths. I cant imagine giving a second chance and being betrayed again like that. That was the road my husband wanted to go down as well. I lift you up tonight in my prayers. You are so strong mama. Gods got you.
Thank you so much for your sweet words and for your prayers. I love knowing that there are sisters in Christ praying for each other from afar!
I will add that giving my fears of providing for my family were real. Your fears are not irrelevant and they connect your faith! Your world has been turned upside down. God understands that. He wants to be your provider, healer and redeemer. He draws near to the broken hearted and I’ve never in my life been more sure Hes there. Hes provided for me with each fear and anxiety I gave to him. God will not let His beloved fall. I wrote a blog on this and God reminded me of it. Hopefully this links it. Its nevernotwanted wordpress. Prayed for you and your littles tonight.
You are so right about God being our provider! He has provided more than I could ever imagine, through your comment, I can see He has done the same for you!! =)
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I have recently been divorced, he was a pastor of a church, we were married 25 years, and even though he had n’t committed adultry he had wanted to meet someone else! He had been abusive and I had to ask him to leave due to his anger towards me and my son’s. The hardest thing to cope with has been our friend supporting him. He went straight to online dating and is living with girlfriend number 2 and my oldest son. I struggle so much with the fact that everyone thinks he is so great, yet he was awful to us. I supported ‘his’ ministry in every way, especially financially. I can’t help feeling betrayed even though he waited until after the divorce to date. He was never a Christian at home and I am so disappointed with my choice as I thought he would be a good man. But most of all there is such a lack of support for divorced women in the church.
I wish I could hug you and pray with you and for you! I am sure you are bearing through a lot right now and it can be hard to see that God will restore all things back to you but I believe He will. Just allow Him to heal you and guide you. I am praying right now for you and your son. May the Lord bring the support that is needed for you both. May He provide the needs financially, emotionally, and spiritually. May the church grow in unity and open the eyes to the needs of the divorced women. In Jesus name, we ask for victory through this situation!
I’m 2 weeks into finding out multiple women, one girlfriend, over at least 4 years of our 10 year marriage. God has been with me, encouraging me, holding my broken pieces. No one seems to understand that I’ve not only lost my future of our family … “Our” kids together…but I’ve lost my “best friend” and I still love him. These feelings and future hopes and dreams we had are shattered but they didn’t just disappear. This will take time. I’m broken. Lies and unfaithfulness feel like I’m the one covered in shame, but God be my shield. Thank you for your post. I am fighting worry for my children …
My heart, my prayers, my arms to wrap around you, and tears to shed with you are reaching you where ever you are! I do know the feeling of feeling like the one with shame and it can be so disheartening. I am so blessed to read your message and feel your trust is in the Lord. It will take time to heal from this but as you said, God is your shield. I truly want to thank you for taking your time to comment and being free to share your story. I am adding you to my war room. I promise to keep you and your marriage in prayer.
Thank you sister. God has been so good to me the last 3 weeks since all this happened. I am so thankful for for His shield, His wisdom, His grace. So thankful.
As someone who is going through something similar, I have desperately been searching for wisdom to help me make some sense of the valley I’m in. I work in a church and have recently discovered infidelity in my young marriage. The shame, guilt, and embarrassment had been almost unbearable. This brought me some encouragement t and hope today. Thank you ❤️
I am so sorry you are bearing through this. My heart goes out to you and your marriage. I pray the Lord comforts you. I also pray the Lord will lead you in all areas of your life right now!
For resources, there are so so many. When my bomb exploded…I “started” every Bible App devotional that had to do with infidelity, cheating, single mom, single woman, being alone, defeating Satan, how to put on Armor of God, …the list goes on and I’m still starting new ones. Life way book store has lots of resources. God has got you. God has got this. Seek Him, read Psalms 3 and 5 aloud even if it’s a whisper. You might feel alone but you’re not alone.
You wrote your feelings so well. Thank you for sharing such a painful experience.
Thank you Jessica! I appreciate your comment!
Despite the fact that the story is somewhat extraordinary the agony the same and the recuperating came just from God and his oath. You are such a consolation as an author, a Christian lady, a separated mother.
Thank you so much for your encouragement and Kind words!
Thank you for sharing this with us. Many who are going through this same thing will find encouragement in your words and the way God worked through you. You are a beautiful human being. Thank you, again.
You are so sweet Maddie! Thank you for reading it and leaving me your kind words!
Love that you shared this…I too was in your shoes six years ago. Although the story is slightly different the pain the same and the healing came only from God and his word. You are such an encouragement as a writer, a Christian woman, a divorced mom. I look forward to learning more, growing in faith of all God has in store from your example and leadership.
Thank you so much Stephanie for your kind words and encouragement. I almost cried reading your comment. It was such a hard post to write but it is such a blessing to know it speaks to others.
Powerful and amazing testimony! Your honesty will bless many others. I am pinning this now.
Thank you Erin!
Thank you for sharing your powerful testimony. I’m so sorry for the pain you experienced. I can’t help but think how your words bring hope and life into the hurting hearts of women who are going through the same thing. When our hearts are utterly broken, God is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. I pray that all the women who are deep in this pain right now would feel God’s presence with them giving them strength to face the unknown.
My parents were divorced and I can honestly say that I have SUCH a good marriage because my parents had such a bad one. I don’t know the purpose behind your trials, but it might actually be exactly what your kids needed for their own futures. I’m excited to see how my boys turn out since we make such a point of teaching them about what real godly love is.
Thanks! That is exactly what I needed to hear!
Thank you for sharing your story, I read it in tears I too have just gone through a divorce and that first night after my then husband walked out of our lives leaving two children behind I cried many nights, I could not sleep, was not eating, I had to keep it together for the children sake, the youngest being 3yrs old, at that time keeping them in routine was important for me, they did not deserve this. I felt like a failure, I felt empty, one of my friends congratulated me on my divorce, I no longer consider her my friend, it has been 3mts now and I still cry but I rely on God for strength, many days I can’t pray I just cry, I did not receive any support from church or family, often I remember Job and what he went through and how God restored him, I also find comfort in the words of the Bible when God said he will not leave nor forsake me, every day that ends I thank God for keeping me and the children, every morning I thank him for a new beginning to do better than yesterday, I know the journey will be a long one but hearing your testimony helps me to know I’m not alone in this walk, thank you.
Charmaine, I just cried reading your comment. I felt like you re-wrote the beginning of my trails that I once had to bear through in the beginning of divorce. Although I had a very supportive family and church I also lost friends over the matter because I refused to accept the negativity and words of encouraging divorce. This is not what God intended and that is why it hurts so badly. There is a deep lost when you divorce. My youngest was also three years old when the divorce happened and keeping everything to a routine is important so it is wise for you to be doing that. I am so happy to know you are still putting your trust in God and that you are staying in His word. Doing that will keep helping you more than you know. It will protect you from so much other pain that could try to creep in. Thank you for reading and commenting! I will be in touch! xoxo
Carmen, isn’t it beautiful how God can take the broken and make them whole? And it’s not because you were able to find love again but to have found forgiveness and hope in Christ — now that’s beautiful!
Thank you for sharing your story as painful as it might have been. I pray that many will be blessed by it!
Thank you Marva for reading and commenting! That means so much to me! And especially thank you for your blessings!
I love reading about Christ’s redemptive power to save when all seems hopeless. Even though that “saving” didn’t come in the form you originally thought with a reconciled marriage to your first husband, I am so amazed to hear of His power to forever thread you to a man who bears the name of Christ follower. Thank you for sharing your story, Carmen. It was an honor to read it. 🙂
Thank you so much Sarah for reading it. I am honored that you did! God is so good and he definitely did not do what I hoped for but instead He did better. He gave me a life I never thought I was worthy enough to have.
I went through this, and our marriage was not restored. I don’t believe it could have been, but I grieved and had to move on. He married and divorced her as well in the years since a similar tear-soaked night. God can always restore a heart that is willing. I pray for my current husband and family that God be present in our lives and home in a real and concrete way. Thank you for sharing. It’s nice to know we are not alone.
Jennifer, I can completely relate to you with your story too! And yes, divorce is definitely a grieving process. I am so thankful all the time for having a willing heart to be healed and to make the choice to forgive. Because of that, the Lord blessed me with a wonderful man of God 3 years later after my divorce. It was a process to heal but well worth it. I was able to marry without hurt, pain, or unforgiveness towards my past which could’ve hurt my future. Many blessings to you and your family! Thank you for commenting and reminding me we are not alone.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Na’omi for taking time to read and visit!
Oh, Carmen, consider these words a Christian friend coming alongside you. (And if hugs across the internet were available, I’d be sending a big one your way!) How you reached out to God in those terrible moments is such a testimony to His strength and love. I don’t love that you went through the trial, but I love how there’s joy on the other side. Praise God. You’re brave and a women with a heart after God. Thank you for sharing your testimony.
Kristi, Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and for your love through the internet. = ) God has been so good to me and all that I have endured. I cant imagine having to go through it all without Him.
As a counselor who works with many many people going through divorce, I appreciated both your honesty and your words of wisdom.
As someone who has gone through divorce, I know how difficult it is to share. Thank you for your courage in sharing your story and you are not alone.
Thank you Diane! This post was definitely a challenge for me but I have to remember I am free from it and it is one of my greatest testimonies of how much God was faithful to me. God is good!
Your candor, transparency, and faith are beautiful to read. Thank you for your courage and honesty in sharing your story. You are proof that God can transform and redeem any situation.
Thank you Jessica! You sweet words have touched my heart so much! God can definitely redeem any situation!
Wow, Carmen! Thank you so much for sharing your story. This will bless so many women out there so they know they are not alone! I am so sorry you had to experience this-your heart is so beautiful and it’s difficult to know people like you go through things like this. But you are who you are because of the things you have endured and you have surely come out stronger than ever before! Visiting from Grace&Truth and scheduling to share on my FB page. You’re an inspiration!
Thank you so much Elaine for your compassion to me and your encouragement! I would like to think that was something I wish I didn’t have to go through but I truly don’t think I wouldn’t have seen all of who God truly is if I didn’t. This was a time in my life that was gut wrenching and painful to the max but yet God was working in me more than I can ever express or phantom.
Thank you for being courageous enough to share your story. I know that it will encourage many facing similar circumstances. There is hope in all situations. Love you sister❤️
Thank you sister for your encouragement!!