Yearning for hope as a hurting Wife…
I will never forget the day that I just knew it was the beginning to the end of my marriage.
I was literally paralyzed from the realization. The pain in my stomach was heavy and overwhelming but the rest of my body was numb. I couldn’t stand from the floor that I had just lifted my head from sobbing and screaming fiercely into.
That morning I woke up with my husband next to me in bed. I dressed for work and left the house just like I would do any other day. But for some reason that particular day, I left with a heavy pain in the middle of my stomach. I was unsettled all day. I couldn’t figure out why.
Why was fear overwhelming me that specific day?
My husband and I were on a year of constant arguing and throwing the word divorce into each others faces. It was the longest year of my life. It was rare to just have a normal day at that point. He was constantly leaving the home for days at a time every time we fought. We were at the point of living a lie.
We worked more on looking good in front of people as a happy couple than we were trying to actually become a happy couple.
By lunch time, I worked up the courage to call my husband but no answer. I became sick. Literally sick to my stomach as the phone continued to just ring. Hours later, I walked into our home and immediately felt emptiness. I ran to our bedroom and sitting right there on the nightstand was his wedding band. He had never left his wedding band behind. Every time he has left he never left his ring.
I sank to the ground and cried. I just knew it was the beginning to the end. That day was the last day he ever wore that wedding band.
As I begged God to bring him home, I remember thinking, why didn’t I have hope.
Why didn’t I ask God for hope as a hurting wife?
Why didn’t I show my husband there was hope for him as a hurting husband?
My marriage did end later that year and it was a divorce I would never want any women to bear. It was a time that felt like there was little hope. When you don’t have the faith you need to preserve, you begin to feel there is no hope for yourself to recover which is not a good place to be. This is why I am very passionate about reconciliation and restoration for a marriage.
I truly desire for any hurting wife out there that there is hope. And Jesus Christ is the way to that hope for change, transformation, and restoration.
Divorce did not bring bitterness about the structure of marriage; in contrary it brought revelation that there is always hope in God to restore. That is what I did not fully comprehend or give a chance to in my marriage.
If your marriage is in a place that feels like nothing can help, I am here to tell you, there is. Marriage is hard, hurtful, exhausting, and sometimes just plain ruthless but it doesn’t have to be. We as wives can make the difference by bringing in the spirit of hope into our marriage.
That day I walked into my home and felt it empty was a day that I wished I had walked into my home all the days before with the spirit of hope on me. If I was able to feel the spirit of emptiness that day, then why couldn’t I have brought in the spirit of hope all the other days? Why couldn’t I have showed him I wasn’t willing to give up, knowing it wasn’t what I wanted?
Rebekah and Jen has released their first book together “Hope for the Hurting Wife”.
I anxiously asked them to share with you their experience in their marriage to show what the book is about. I am a advocate for saving a marriage that can be saved. It all starts with us as an individual to make it happen. This book speaks volumes to me of what God can do to restore. I truly hope you receive what Rebekah and Jen has to share. Their experiences and testimonies are overwhelmingly anointed with hope for any hurting wife.
Hope for the Hurting Wife
I expected great things for my new marriage. I loved my husband, we were committed to the Lord and to each other, so I expected our relationship to grow well and to be strong. The funny thing about expectations is that you have to share them; they aren’t just learned by being in the same room together. Those early years were a struggle to communicate effectively with each other. Maybe we never got it quite right, because about 14 years later, I sat frozen, paralyzed with fear as my marriage crumbled around me. Hadn’t we promised, “for better or for worse”? How had we grown so far apart without me even realizing it?
I was completely at a loss for how to move forward. How do you hold onto hope in a situation that seems so desperate? This was a lesson for my heart that started on the worst day of my life. While this was the darkest time of my life, it was a time when God taught me more about His redemption. He reminded my heart that there is no one, no situation, no story that is too far gone for God to redeem. It was in those first months that He asked me to wait and to see how He would redeem my heart and my marriage.
Over time, God began to heal my heart. He showed me that I could have hope and trust in Him, and over time, I was able to rebuild trust and hope with my husband.
He and I started to work on our communication in a way that we never had before. We gave each other permission to be fully honest, to withhold judgment and to approach our communication and our marriage as a team.
Hope for the Hurting Wife offers practical suggestions for many situations that we all face in marriage. We share scriptural insights and convey a hope that endures, even when marriage is hard. If you’re wondering if there’s hope, if you’re looking for a reminder that God can still redeem, we hope you’ll pick up a copy of Hope for the Hurting Wife and let our experiences encourage you.
-Rebekah
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I thought I would be stuck in a loveless marriage forever, that’s how bad it was during the dark years. Sometimes my greatest desire was to hold my husband and reassure him that all would be right, while other times I couldn’t even stand to look at him.
This kind of struggling marriage wasn’t at all what we had planned or expected when we stood before God and witnesses and pledged ’til death do us part.’
This kind of struggling marriage wasn't at all what we had planned or expected when we stood before God and witnesses and pledged 'til death do us part.' -Hope for the Hurting Wife Share on XLooking back, I see clearly the spiritual battle that took place both in my marriage and in my faith, as well as my husband’s. I believed so many lies for so long about my husband’s inability to change, about my inability to overcome, even about the very roots of our relationship to begin with. The Enemy is so good at planting doubt, isn’t he?
In my darkest, most desperate moments, I lost all hope.
I was a hurting wife who just wanted out.
Praise be to God for the wise and godly women in my life. They didn’t encourage me to seek a “better life” for myself like many do today. They didn’t say, “You have to make yourself happy”. Instead, they sat with me in my sorrow, prayed with me in my pain, and whispered words of encouragement from the Word. By the grace of God, I have confidence in my marriage today because of Christ.
Friend, the world is quick to toss marriage away when it no longer fulfills, no longer brings joy. We need more women who will choose to fight for marriage like warrior wives. We need more women who will stand bravely, despite the mocking of others, and call on the power of the Most High God to redeem the broken places and bind up their wounds. That’s what our book, Hope for the Hurting Wife is all about; helping women from all walks of life work through the pain to discover a hope that lasts!
-Jen
God gave Rebekah a front row seat to the work of His redemption in her marriage. After surviving the initial trauma, she determined to fix her eyes solely on Jesus and trusted Him to carry her through the storm that followed. Rebekah shares not only her heartache, but also her great hope with other wives so they might know God still redeems, even in the toughest of circumstances. Now, years later, she praises God for restoring her marriage. Rebekah co-leads an online community for struggling wives around the world and shares encouragement for those who face the daunting task of surviving the “for worse” of marriage. You can learn more about her ministry to wives at her blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories. You’ll also find her on Facebook and Pinterest.
Grown missionary kid, mother of four, and wife to a church planter, Jen Stults is a work-in-progress woman who seeks to find confidence in Christ alone. As a disciple-maker, author, and speaker, she encourages women who feel frustrated by failure and plagued by perfectionism. Her heart’s desire is for women everywhere to experience the abundant life God has planned for them by finding freedom in their identity in Christ. She writes about the struggle to embrace everyday grace in the areas of faith, marriage, and parenting at her blog, Being Confident of This. You can also find her on Facebook and Pinterest.
I am not a wife but a husband my name is Michael and my wife jody and my son Josh left me they both abandoned me and I just dont want to live anymore without them.
God bless you so much for the inspiration . I am married for 21/2 years and there’s no happiness in the marriage.. I want us to love again, to reconcile and be lovely couples again but don’t know how go about it. Please help me.
Me and my husband have been married 2 1/2 years. I have had a lot of past hurt not dealt with, with passing of my dad and my husband is so much like him. I said so many times I would change and I never did and he finally got separation papers. I am so deeply in love with my husband and I have mistreated him for so long. I don’t want this divorce I am praying god restores I know he can. Please please pray for me and my husband for restoration.
I am so sorry for your pain during this. I do know that feeling and how heartbreaking it can feel but I also know the hope of God. I pray right now in the name of Jesus that He revives you with hope. That the Lord blesses you right now with an abundance of joy. Joy that your husband has not seen on you before but now sees and when he looks at you he sees a woman of God. A woman that desires to be healed to the fullest and may he desire to be alongside with you. May his eyes be opened to see your heart to the fullest and may his ears listen to your words with sensitivity so the Holy Spirit may speak to him through you. May he not ever think what you say is just lies when you pour heart out to him but may he listen and hear the vulnerability in your voice and may he give grace to his wife with adoration and unconditionally love. Lord, we ask to restore this marriage and bring them both to a mighty healing and humility to serve one another in their restoration. Bring healing to both hearts. In Jesus name, we honor You and trust You Lord. Amen.
I am desperately asking for prayers, a wall of prayer to be exact!! Please pray for my marriage!! I have hope and trust in the Lord, that He will restore our marriage and we will be better than we ever have been. Its been a rough couple of months and I just need a sign that it’s all going to be ok and God has us and we together are in His perfect Will.
Please pray for my marriage. We have been divorced since January but I know God is a God of restoration. Nothing is impossible for him. I want to fight for my marriage with God. Pray that my husband fully forgives me for the things I did during the marriage and during our separation.
Please pray for my marriage!
Lord, You know the needs for this marriage. You know the desires for this marriage. I pray You, our Almighty God, does a great work and complete transformation in this marriage right now. We come to seek restoration, a desire for repentance for anything that is in the marriage that is not of you, and for healing of anything that hindering growth. In Jesus name, we praise You now for hearing the cry of Your people, Amen!
After years of infertility and loss I snapped and said horrible things to my husband. I asked for a divorce. I don’t want a divorce but I’ve hurt him so bad. I don’t know how to help him feel better and forgive me, I don’t know that I deserve his forgiveness. i would do anything for him to feel better and fix our marriage. I’m trying to be patient with God’s plan but I’m struggling and losing hope and faith. I pray for God to soften my husbands heart and help him love me again. I want to save my marriage.
Father God, hear the cry of Your daughter for restoration of her marriage. Remember her this day and give her a complete transformation for her marriage. I praise You for her repentance of her words because Lord you say, when we confess with our sins, we are forgiven. We seek today for full forgiveness in this marriage. Bless them Lord in a mighty way. In Jesus name, Amen!
Please Please, Please pray! My husband & I have been married 15 yrs. together 18 yrs. but out of those 15 yrs. we have been seperated for 7 yrs still always communicating & at times spending some time to eat, shop or spending time with our grandson. My husband asked me for a divorce 4 yrs into the separation and finally served me 1 week before Thanksgiving with a divorce. In the process of recieving financial documents it showed he had been on a cruise, a B&B by the sea & other charges for hotels and I always knew once he found someone else he would divorce me but as humiliating as it sounds I love my husband, forgive him & take responsibility for my part and i`m believing & asking God to restore my marriage, to stop the divorce so we can bring Glory to God & to show others as u do that God is a God of Mercy, forgiveness & restoration! This is my 2nd marriage, I’m 62 and I waited for 7 yrs because i love him & I didn`t want to go thru a divorce again. I`m devasted, the holidays were horrible, today is Valentine’s day & I was so depressed just thinking who was he spending it with. I still work but I can’t sleep or eat & all I do is cry! My husband is a believer but is also in recovery practicing the 12 steps & has been clean for 20 yrs. Please pray for a miracle & believe with me, Blessing on your ministry, Sandra
Sandra, My heart trembles with you. I am so sorry you are bearing this heartache and burden. I have no words but this: Lord, I ask you to touch Sandra right now in the name of Jesus! Comfort her Lord. Give her rest in her spirit. Take all anxiety, fear, depression, and hurt away right now. Rise her up O’God! Rise her to conquer this battle. The enemy will no longer have her joy. She is Yours Lord. She is well equipped to stand up and do Your will for this season. No thought will make her believe she is rejected or belittled. Seven years represents completion. We ask You right now God to complete this battle. Whatever the outcome is Lord have Sandra trust in You stronger than she has ever in her life. May she not see darkness but see light and hope as You complete the task of her restoration. I praise You now O’God for her overcoming. For her revival and restoration. Thank you Lord for this woman to cry to You and to lean on You. Give her great understanding and drench her with courage this night. In Jesus name, Amen!
My marriage is in ruin right now. Husband is not in love with me anymore, thanks to me pushing him away for years and taking our marriage for granted. We barely talk, he goes away for the weekends, And pushes me away. But thanks to that I turned to God. I was never a believer. Now I’m giving away everything into Gods hands. I believe in him, I believe he can help me fix my mistakes, I have only faith right now. I’m thankful for finding God.
I am so sorry you are bearing through this time in your marriage right now! I know how hard it can be. First of all, I am so blessed to hear you have found the Lord to lean on during this time and for your humility to your marriage. The Lord honors the humble and gives to the meek. I am praying right now in the name of Jesus for restoration, for redemption, and for a complete transformation for you and your husband. May you two become one in your marriage. May forgiveness surrounds both of our hearts and may you both stand as husband and wife that honors and blesses ones another. Thank you for sharing your heart and truly hope I one day see you back here with your testimony!
I’m back with a little testimony! Until June things got really bad, divorce papers were served, seemed like it was the end, but God! He came back! We are working on our marriage. It’s far from restored, he is not restored to God but I know it’s only a matter of time. God made the impossible like he promised. Still waiting for full restoration, praying forever.
Wow!! Love your testimony! Especially love that you are still trusting God to bring full restoration to him as a husband and to your marriage. I am so blessed you thought to come back and leave the testimony. It is comments like this that encourages me and trust God even so much more to writing about marriage. Thank you and I continue to pray this day that your marriage is completely restored and the Lord is the center of it always!
My husband filed for divorce on March 22nd. We have been together for 18 years and have three kids. On March 7th he told me he wanted a divorce and wantes to “work on himself”. Our court date is May 16rh. I have been praying God will stop this divorce and restore our marriage. I dont want to give up hope. But I cannot stop the divorce from becoming finalized. Im hurt, sad and cant stop crying.
My heart truly hurts for you as I read this message. I know that feeling and it was a time I would never want a any wife to bear through. I pray right now in the name of Jesus that your husband gives himself fully to the Lord so that he can clearly hear from God. Jesus is the ministry of reconciliation and restoration and I seek God right now to breathe those words into your husband. That he may experience a heart transformation and a vision transformation of what marriage is. That is a process of growth and knowing who we truly are with the person the Lord gave us. When we marry we are no longer ever to be set as one flesh selfishly, we are to be of one flesh together. I pray that when your husband experiences that uneasiness of being without you that he then has a revelation it is because he is missing the other half. He is missing the half God knitted together on the day you were both ordained as one. In Jesus name, we ask right now for full comfort for the woman. Give her strength Lord as she fights righteously for her husband. Remind her Lord, that we walk by faith, not by sight. In the name of Jesus, Amen!
I am a husband who has been unfaithful and we are presently going through counseling.
Please lift up my wife Michele that new hope will be hers and that for me i would be able to communicate with her in love.
I want what we had restored and even better and that God’s divine purpose for us will be accomplished through all this.
And please pray for anything else you see fit for our marriage to be totally healed and reconciled.
Thank you.
I want to say thank you for sharing your situation here. I know it may not be easy to admit that but I am so glad you did because the bible tells us how we are to confess our sins unto to one another so that we may be healed. See how good God is, He says that we may be healed. In the name of Jesus, I pray for healing in this marriage. For full forgivness from and for both sides. Lord, I pray for Michele, that you give her hope and restore her trust unto You first, of what You are capable of doing in marriage and in peoples lives, including her husband. I asked that You give them a new level of communication that will help them restore their relationship. May Your glory be seen through every part of this marriage and testimony. Lord, may Your will be done and may this marriage abide in Your love more now than ever. May they seek you in such a mighty way! In the name of Jesus, Amen!!
Dear Carmen, thanks for honestly sharing your story and the redemption you experienced in Christ with us. I have been married for 3 years now and I have experienced the destruction of peace in our homes now and then. I was called a Christian but always failed to live a worthy Christian life. I never wanted to take marriage for granted but we had disagreements. Silly disagreements that even ignited serious arguments. I knew the scripture and each time when I destroyed the peace of the family, those words pricked my heart. And One day I decided to surrender my will at the cross. To live a life of self-denial and service, to be more submissive to my husband and I read scriptures and meditated upon it day and night.. I was determined to fulfill the will of God in my life, I kneeled down in prayer, fought the battle and still wearing the armor of God..Now God has restored peace in our family, we hate to fight now but grow in the fellowship with the Lord.. Thank you..
Beautiful. I fully agree with God’s power in the restoration of marriages. I believed that if my spouse was ever unfaithful I would walk away and never look back. My spouse did have an affair and though it has been a process and hard, God is bringing healing, honesty and intimacy we have never had before. I have begun to blog about my testimony and what God is doing in our marriage as well. Thank you for sharing your story.
Praise God, what a Testimony!!! God is good. I love the scripture that says, God is in the ministry of reconciliation. I truly believe and stand firm on that for marriages. If a marriage can be saved, I pray it should be saved.
Carmen,
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your divorce. I know you give me courage and hope to keep fighting on for the marriage I have. Marriage is hard but so worth the effort. I couldn’t do it without God at the center. The book looks great.
Marriage is hard and without God, it is definitely even harder. God gives us hope, perseverance, and He gives us purpose for our marriage. When we choose to see the purpose God gave us for our marriage, we fight for it. Thank you for visiting and commenting! =)
What a great post! Thank you for sharing. I’m divorced and remarried as well and there is no despair like a divorce. Thank you for sharing
So close to home, Carmen. That’s all I will say now, but thank you. xo
Carmen, thank you for sharing your story. What a tremendous opportunity you have to speak into women’s lives about this issue, and the fact that our true hope is in the Lord!
Thank you for sharing about our book and for letting us partner with you in providing hope for other women in struggling marriages. May God use Hope for the Hurting Wife to reach where our arms cannot – to touch the hearts of others. Blessings, sweet friend!
I am honored to share yours and Jens book. Restoring Marriages is very close to my heart so this was definitely a must I wanted to share with other wives that is looking for hope.