I was that rebellious teenager.
The one that did the same act of disobedience over and over no matter what the consequences were.
My mind never cared about the consequence as much as it cared about the attention it brought to myself.
When I look back, I have no idea why I was rebellious.
I can not sit here and tell you it was because I liked partying. That I would get an adrenaline rush when trouble came. Or that I even enjoyed anything I actually did that was out of disobedience.
Truthfully I was the friend that sat there in the middle of the party and wished I was home. I hated the abnormal feeling of trying something new and possibly dangerous. I never felt part of the crowd no matter how hard I tried.
If I was to dig deep into my thought process as a young teen that ran into rebellion, it possibly could have been; I felt I had no purpose. I felt like I did not know who I was.
Confusion in us and our children can lead to so much deception in our lives.
We must know that not everyone’s situation has the same why or what as the other so it is important that we seek God in this area.
My rebellion story will not match yours or your child’s rebellion story.
God’s leading along with the Holy Spirit will show us the truth to everything we hope to know about ourselves as parents and for our children.
Sit down and ask the Lord what He wants you to see in your child.
Say, “Lord, I am here petitioning my child (insert child’s name) to You. I am seeking freedom from rebellion for (child’s name). Show me Lord if there is hurt or confusion. Are those hurts active in their lives right now or is it the past affecting our child? Show me Lord how to pray for them and how to fight for them. Show me how to parent them in this season and how to usher them into freedom.”
Stay prayerful for your child.
The more you do, the more your heart as a mother will be transformed to understand them on a new level. Prayer will develop a desire in you to embrace them more. Most importantly, the more you pray specifically for God to show you where they hurt, the more likely you will hear God’s voice in this area.
We must start the process of guiding our children out of rebellion with a compassionate heart. Our children need to see us as vulnerable as we wish to see them become.
We are their greatest example of what true freedom in Christ looks like.
Freedom is not always trying to look like you have it all together. Sometimes freedom is becoming lowly (humble in spirit) with them to guide them up the mountain where the cross and victory is.
To the Root
One of the hardest things I had to learn as a praying mom was to humble myself and pray for the specific roots that needed to be prayed for. Saying out loud that our child needs freedom from depression, anger, resentment, anxiety, rebellion… and so is not an easy task for us mothers to do.
It can feel as if we are failing them because they got to that “point”. Some may feel like we are shaming them as a person. How can we sit there and ask God to free them from anger when we probably have experienced anger too. It can feel like judgement.
This is why praying for the root is important, it gets straight to the cause. This can be an opportunity to ask the Lord to reveal to us if we experience the same thing we are praying for our child. If the Holy Spirit reveals a yes to you, then continue your prayer to break the generational connection for before generations and future generations. Make this the last stop the devil has over you and your family.
Pray for Exposure
About two years ago, I kept feeling a sense of urgency to stand in the middle of the entryway of my home and to pray for “Exposure” to be done in the home. I almost felt a bit absurd to do it but the urgency would not leave. So alone I stood in the center of the home and prayed for God to “Expose” what He wanted to expose. I instantly felt the Holy Spirit leading this specific prayer. Instantly I was warring in the spirit for my two eldest children. I went to bed that night excited and revived.
Within months from that night, I learned more about my two oldest children than I ever wanted to. Consequences of their decisions were revealing itself. It literally felt like everything that could be exposed of what they were doing behind our backs was exposed.
I woke up each morning for a month drained. My heart was hurting. My mind was overwhelmed and my spirit was crushed. I felt poorly as a parent by every negative situation that came to light.
As I cried out to God one night, He reminded me of that midnight hour of when I had prayed in the center of the home for “Exposure”.
The devil became exposed that night. All the things that our children were doing behind our backs could not be hidden anymore. Even the things they were very sneaky at. God exposed the devil of where he was trying to have my children. After learning what was going on, I had the upper hand by praying specifically against those things.
I began to fight harder than I ever have for my children in the spirit and in the natural.
With grace and wisdom I made changes in our home and I made changes in my spiritually perception. I chose to become more obedient to those “absurd” things.
I began to fight harder than I ever have for my children in the spirit and in the natural. - How to pray for your rebellious teen... #prayer #parenting Share on XSpeak Scriptures
Speaking scripture over your child’s life will be encouraging to you as a parent. God’s word is life giving and life activating.
Find scriptures that speak to your spirit as a parent and pray it over your child.
Stand in your child’s room and pray.
Anoint their pillows and headboard. Anoint their bedroom windows, door, and even their shoes (have them walk in the anointing… 😉
Then pray as the Lord leads you. When I do this, I find myself praying for things I have never thought of to pray for. It is a beautiful feeling to be in my child’s room and feel the Holy Spirit there.
I had a friend tell me that one day the Lord told her to go into her teenage son’s room and war against the enemy. She said as she started, she could feel the heaviness and the presence of the enemy in the room. She rebuked every spirit that came to mind that was not of God and she anointed everywhere the Lord directed her too. By the time she was done, she said it felt completely different. The room suddenly felt freeing.
Her son even went to her later that night and asked, what was different in his room. She just chuckled and said, “What do you mean?”
I loved that story from her. It reminded me that sometimes we got to get into that storm and just war for our children.
Related Posts: When to start teaching your children about Spiritual Warfare
Stand in the center of your home and declare.
Just as I mentioned above with my story of how I stood in the middle of the home, you do it too. Stand in the center where you feel led and have authority over your home.
Remember our household serves the Lord and NOTHING can interrupt that so declare it so!
Related Post: How to spiritually clean your home.
Pray with them.
At first this can be hard to do. My daughter would pray with me out of respect when I would ask but I did feel distance from her. Her walls would immediately go up as I would begin prayer. It would hurt me but I had to build my endurance. I kept at it. Now, she crawls into bed with me and tells me when she has bad days or hurts for a friend. After talking, she will then say, “Aren’t going to pray mom?!”
I thank the Lord pushing me to pray with her during a tough year. It has now created a bond between us.
Related Posts: 25 Scriptures to Encourage wives and mothers.
Pray for direction of when and how to get help.
No matter the age of our children, I am confident our motherly instincts want the best for our children. We should not be ashamed to get help for our children when it is needed. Seeking professional help is not belittling yourself or them. It is preparing them to start living their best life.
Praying for it is an important part of it. God can bring favor upon this decision if you seek Him about it first. He is able to open doors to the right kind of help and give you peace about doing so. Be ready and alert to hear God’s voice about this.
Some of the most important things that I received from the Lord was when I least expected it.
Dear Lord, I pray for every mother today that is kneeling for her child. Lord, give her comfort, direction, wisdom, and encouragement to do what is needed for their child. Teach us how to stand steadfast in seasons such as this for our families. May we have a desire to fight for our loved ones at all times through the spirit with the Holy Spirit leading us. May we always keep in remembrance to Your words for our household: As for me and my household we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15) Thank you Lord for your teachings in this area and for you giving us a heart of compassion as mothers. We praise You now for the victories of our generations. In Jesus name, Amen!
So what did you actually do when your kids behavior was discovered? What consequences were given? How did they change? What were the conversations like? I know all of the “Christian” answers say keep praying, show them live, enforce boundaries. But what do you literally do, day to day? How does walking out the consequences look? What do you do when they continue to walk in rebellion? Beside pray. Parents aren’t given much except pray and see a counselor, and hope for the best and suddenly it all turns to sunshine and roses. When in actuality it’s all going down the drain. We need more help than just pray
I love all your questions and you are absolutely right! When our teenagers are rebellious, we as parents need more than an answer than just to pray. I completely understand this to the core. Trust me. Before answering your questions in whole, I will say this… prayer is the best thing we can do. It allows us to come to God and hopefully hear from Him and it allows God to move in ways that we would not be able to on our way. By my own personal experience of having a rebellious teenager, here is what I had to learn the hard way… that rebellion does not always mean hate, anger, resentment in their heart, it can actually mean the opposite. It can mean our child needs us to listen, be compassionate, understanding, and just plain out willing to be there for them in the way they feel they need it, not what we vision of how they need us. Their rebellion can make us sometimes feel anger, resentment, and pain towards their actions and it sometimes makes us forget they are trying to figure it all out just as much as we are. So, my day to day is not the same as it was when I first wrote this post which was, yes, pray, ground my child from electronics and friends, have a one-sided conversation of what my expectations are in my home, it is now quite different. My goal is to listen more, try to trust more, to speak calmly, to remember they are a person trying to figure out their life too. They have school with people we never see but they see, social media that can cause stress, expectations from school, parents, siblings, what their life is supposed to be within a few years, and so much more that we may not know about because it’s their life, not ours. My goal is not adding to that but to be a PARENT (not a friend) that they can trust. I now start conversations with my kids about them daily, ask open ended questions to keep engagement, stay calm when it’s things I do not like hearing because hey, they are finally talking to me. And, when it is time for action for their actions, I do not harshly and hurriedly think of the consequences, I speak with my husband and discuss it, 80% of the time, we remind each other, it’s only a few more years left, and we want to make wise choices, how can we do that right now. We think it out, pros and cons it. We have our children for such a short time before they have to figure all this out by themselves in the world, why not show them what it looks like to reach for wisdom when they need it. I now have a daughter who calls me when things hurt, when it hard, or when she just wants to conversate about her day and it’s a blessing. But it was hard to get there, it took me in prayer and asking God to convict me when I was not responding correctly to them, and He did! That is why prayer is important in this. I was convicted every time I did not treat them as if their feelings were not justified because they made a poor decision. Well, I guess rambled on a bit…. lol but I do hope it help to see my now day to day perspective. One last thing, I learned to apologize when I needed to for my own actions that did not set a good example and I reminded them I am not anger, I am hurt. I truly believe this was a turning point for each of us, we both learned we are humans, not a mom that thinks she knows it all and not a child that can’t do it right but two people who is trying to do life together. I truly thank God for that!
Thank you for sharing your heart about teens!
We absolutely must petition the Lord on behalf of our kids!
Just knowing that you are not alone in it is huge!
I needed to read exactly this at this exact time!
I have done all of these things before but I think this serves as my confirmation that I need to keep fighting on my knees!!
I have spent way to much time in the worry pit!
Praise God for your words and may the Lord continue to walk each of us through reaching victory!!!
Blessings!!
I love this. Spiritual warfare is so important especially for this season!
Thank you Carmen, I was one, I had one. How important prayer is for this age group instead of just frustration!
This is so good Carmen. Your prayer for exposure sounds similar to me praying for things to be brought into the light. And boy whenever I pray that, it happens. God has had to put His hand on my shoulder and tell me to calm down and just watch ‘with’ Him, pray with Him, and let Him bring about the changes. He is so good. 🙏❤
I can so relate to God telling me to just watch Him! I am never disappointed but it is hard as a mom to just say ok God. That is one thing I am learning I need to be more acceptable and ready to do.
I love your honest reflections on your feelings as teen, the not even know why you did what you did. The enemy so easily makes us understand or misinterpret something at a young age and that defines us or strips us of purpose. We deal with this in prayer all the time as we take college-age and adults back to hurtful roots in their youth. Exposure is good because then we can know what we’re dealing with. Thankful Carmen, that you are letting the Lord redeem your missteps and help other parents!!
Thanks for this practical help. I have a very challenging pre-teen. No harm in starting early!